My Blah Blah Blog

Why I Am Not Running For President

Republicans demanded explanations from Chris Christie and Sarah Palin. I’ve had a few inquiries myself, and here is my response.

Why I’m not running for president:

1. I could never have Presidential hair with that D.C. humidity.
2. I’d have to wear jewelry like Hillary’s and a pants suit whose jacket would NOT provide adequate butt cover.
3. On those Air Force One flights, I could not knock back a chardonnay ad watch Xmen: First Class.
4. I’m pretty sure security would insist I wear a disguise when accepting a pizza delivery.
5. My closet is so full of skeletons, it’s like a Halloween party in there.
6. I’m a Democrat.
7. My house would have to be white.
8. Whenever I had a VPL, millions of people would chat about it on the Huffington Post Style page.
9. I’m guessing martinis would be frowned upon.
10. What, in these shoes?


13 Responses
  1. Don Kehn, Jr. says:

    Hey Jess,
    I’d vote for ya anyway! Just remember your peeps and don’t be stingy with White House invites…I’ll bring the Newcastle Brown & you can regale us with a closetful of “Halloween stories”!!

  2. Mel Neuhaus says:

    Not too sure about #4; from what I hear, Herman Cain doesn’t wear one when he makes ’em…YIKES – I guess I should explain that – I’m talkin’ about pizza!

  3. Joannie says:

    You are FUUNNYY! Are you carbo loading for Thanksgiving? I must have 500 recipes for Thanksgiving sides, 50 turkey recipes (one marinated in Coca Cola) and one cookbook DEVOTED to Thanksgivings past, I start getting nervous/excited about Thanksgiving about NOW. And I usually always cook the same thing. So much energy and such minimal results.
    Wonder what you, the Crabby Cook, will be doing?
    Give us direction, oh crabby one.

  4. Donald Farmer says:

    You’d be the perfect President, Jessica! With you in office, American families could finally stop “bitchin’ in the kitchen!” We could send a clear message to China that America is no longer “looking’ for Trade!” And every American woman could have her very own “little black dress!”

  5. suzanne says:

    #5 is my favorite. xo

  6. Amy says:

    I’d totally vote for you. But only if you invited people (say, me for example) on Air Force One for drinks and movies.
    I figure when you’re president you can do those kinds of things.

  7. Mark Russell says:

    I wish you were here in England – you could do a better job than our politicians – you would certainly get my vote Jess!!

  8. Jess,good call on the 2012 election__ but__….don’t count us out in Canada.We will rip that maple leaf off the flag and put your photo on instead [ if you qualify ].THe maple leaf was wrong anyway because our flag should have been an indian in a canoe ,petting a beaver.

    Sooo we all love JESS up here but….J.H.will still have to pass a Canadian quizz before she is qualified to move to the Parliment buildings in Ottawa.

    JESS here is the quizz.

    1) If you see a child with their tongue stuck to a flag pole in January what should you do.
    a) Call 911 ?
    B) Pull hard on the child’s sweater till the child becomes free ( ripping tissue off the tongue ) ?
    C) Say your American and walk away because you don’t like to get involved in the affairs and issues of another country ?
    D)Calm the child and slowly pour warm water on the pole to ____SAFELY___remove the child ?

    Our teacher in grade 4 chose 1) and can therefore NOT qualify for Parliment or teaching for that matter :0(

  9. mark says:

    Please run! I promise to try all your recipies if you do!

  10. Alex O'Neil says:

    Why I’m not running for president:

    1. Hair is never important, look at Boris Johnson! You would be a person of the people!
    2. You could always go for long dashing gowns and dresses, nothing beats one of those little black dresses 😉
    3. Focus on the job in hand, bring the country back, X Men can wait until you need training in order topsychologically deal with a world disaster!
    4. You’re an actress, no one would recognise you! You could be anyone when the pizza was coming!
    5. At least you have something to hang your clothes on!
    6. You are a Democrat!
    7. You could pass a bill changing that.
    8. It’s all about the coverage 😉
    9. You would be the kind of president to be shaken, not stirred, possibly?
    10. Better yours than mine! Mine have holes in!

  11. gail kaplan says:

    You might add to the list BECAUSE OF THE FABULOUS MAN THAT I AM MARRIED TO!!!!!!!

  12. Hannah Hempstead says:

    I had to go to Wikipedia to find out what a VPL was.
    Now it is part of my every day vocab. Thanks for
    the lesson. I am wearing only tunics from now on.

  13. Tom McCown says:

    Sorry, I am voting for you anyway! 🙂

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