My Blah Blah Blog

Going To Mars? In These Shoes?

I heard that NASA has plans to send astronauts to Mars—and leave them there. As in, forever.

This brings to mind all kinds of burning questions. First of all, who’s going to want this gig? What astronaut will volunteer to leave our awesome (okay, somewhat flawed) planet for an indefinite period of time? I mean, yeah, jobs are scarce and I’m sure the pay is good. But, with limited retail optionson Mars, who needs money anyway?

And just think: No more In-‘N-Out burgers? No Lady Gaga concerts? ? No Keith Oberman? (Oh, right, he’s toast anyway.) In the next election, how will they collect your absentee ballot? (B.O.’s gonna need it.)  And excuse me, no Hulu? And who can live without Twitter? I mean, let’s face it, Twitter is the new oxygen.

Given all these concerns, NASA might face a shortage of willing astronauts. Maybe we, the people, will be allowed to volunteer others for the trip to Mars. Favorite choices, I’m sure, would include John Boehner (do they have tanning beds up there?) and Glenn Beck, plus a random assortment of mothers-in-law and cable guys. I might nominate my neighbor who plays that loud, ’70’s music and who failed to prevent her dog from shredding my new Nike pants last week.

What if someone volunteered me to go to Mars? What the hell would I pack? I mean, how many pairs of hanky-pankies does a girl need for, uh, the rest of her life? Would I have to purchase comfortable shoes? Where do you even go to buy those? Would NASA supply essentials like the Sunday Style section, NPR and an occasional Krispy Kreme donut?

So, suggestions? What would you bring if you were going to Mars for life? (It could happen.) And/or, what would you miss the most? Leave a comment!


8 Responses
  1. Scot Colford says:

    I would totally bring my ukulele, cause if we’re gonna party on Mars, there’s gonna be music, believe you me. And I believe I would most miss kitty cats.

    Okay, forget the ukulele. I’d bring a boy kitty and a girl kitty. Unfixed, naturally.

  2. Eric says:

    it is a kind of cool idea to visit mars and all that, but to live there…forever? I am not comfortable with that idea, but i am sure if they sent you to mars would you still be able to update your blog? I would miss everything, i think they should send glen beck, but i think he would lie about what is going on up there or twist the truth.

  3. Mike says:

    I was just watching Shock Treatment, said,”Whatever happened to Jessica Harper?” and through magic of the series of tubes that run from Nashville to Los Angeles, discovered your delightful blog on the Internets. You’re a delightfully funny writer. 🙂

  4. Jean Franken says:

    Forgive me, jessica for just catching up with you…But mars? Jessica, BOOKS!
    Books and an ipod for music.. Shoes..go to Zappos before you launch, get Mephistos.
    Underwear? Clean out Hanro stock forever. Garnet Hill for that. Also Garnet Hill for bedding, quilts, etc. Get every cashmere sweater ever made. Whole Foods for endless cases of wine.
    But, after all that…BOOKS. All the Books you have meant to read, all the books you need to re-read. (Not Moby Dick or Beowulf)…Books will save you on any Planet. Even Earth. I think, you’ll agree.

  5. She’s sooooo my idol OMGawsh!

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