Dead Man Flying
A refreshing news story this week was the one about the two ladies who got busted at the London airport. They were boarding a plane, escorting an elderly gentleman, who was in a wheelchair and wearing shades. There was nothing out of the ordinary here except that the escortee was not just elderly—he was dead.
His lady escorts (the stepdaughter and the sixty-something widow of the 91-year-old dead guy) told the police they had thought he was merely asleep, but while the idea of sleeping thru airport security with all its indignities is appealing, it seems unlikely.
While the police try to get a grip on the real reason the two babes were traveling with a corpse, I got to thinking, who better to sit next to on a plane than a stiff? I mean, he’s not going to get up to go to the bathroom, knocking your marrtini into your lap in the process, or talk your ears off about the virtues of Michele Bachmann. He’s got no luggage, leaving you all that room in the overhead bin, and if his elbow slips into your space, you can just shove it back over to his without a heated discussion about boundaries. He won’t tap his keyboard loud as a woodpecker, or hum along with the ZZTop tunes on his iPod, or munch his way through a king-size bag of smelly salt and vinegar chips , or blow his nose every five minutes or snap his (watermelon-scented) gum.
In fact, a corpse is the world’s most desirable flying companion; why fly with the living? Next time I see a dead guy in 23A, I’m making a beeline for 23B.
I’ve loved your films for years but had no idea you had such a dark wit! Your post was hilarious!
I’m reminded of “Murder By Death” where the sickly, frail woman is pushed around by another robust woman. The robust woman is actually the patient who carts around her nurse in the wheelchair because her nurse isn’t up to the task.
Sadly, I think the screenplay for “Weekend at Bernie’s 3” has just unwittingly been written. I understand you have some connections at Fox. I also believe they hold the rights to “Bernie’s”, uh, saga. Please Ms.Harper, for the love of all things sane and sacrosanct- stop them.
Three life long friends, years before homeland security, lived in Warroad, Minnesota, which is just a short drive from the Canadian border. These three elderly friends had favorite fishing spots on both sides of the border and spent almost equal time fishing them. Being on a first name basis with the border guards they were easily waved through without question.
On one such Canadian side fishing trip, one of the friends quietly passed away. When the other two realized what had happened, they discussed what to do. Finally deciding on the best solution to the problem, they put thier friend between them in the truck cab, put his fishing hat down over his eyes, put a beer can in his hand and drove him to the check point. The border guard stopped and asked them if they had anything to declare. They just said that “Buddy” had too much to drink and was sleeping it off. As this had happened before over the years, they were passed on through. True story.