The Christmas Of The Yodeling Pickle
Okay, the economy sucks so it’s a challenging year to buy holiday gifts. I’ll tell you about a few things I found that are cheap and fab.
Since he can’t read English, it won’t ruin it for him if I reveal here that I am giving my dog Oliver a neat set of red and green tennis balls. This is a gift that will keep on giving, although it may also keep on giving carpel tunnel syndrome to me, as he will demand that I throw the balls for him a billion times. ($12)
For people who live in relentlessly sunny places, like Los (Endless Summer) Angeles, seasonal sunglasses are a great bet. They come in a bewildering array of garish styles, perfect cover for that Boxing Day hangover. I will not tell you who I’m giving them to here, just in case the lucky recipients actually read this blog, which is unlikely, so why am I giving the losers a gift anyway but whatever. ($12.50.)
I found a nail kit that’s disguised as a nesting doll and it’s as cute as can be.Â It’s a great gift for those on your list who have taken up biting their nails in recent months, while they watch their 401K disappear. So, you know, like, everyone. ($12.)
Okay, so here’s one item that’s a little more pricey, but may be worth it for the right person. It’s a plastic, yodeling pickle. I know, breathtaking, right? Hard to imagine the brainpower that went into the invention of this thing, but it is awesome (hence the steep price) so only the most privileged person on my list will receive it. I have not decided who that will be yet, but I do know someone I’m fond of who shall remain nameless but is Totally Swiss and, not to be a Swissist or anything, but I figure he’s no stranger to the yodel, and he’s also rumored to enjoy the occasional pickle, so if he plays his cards right he will be a contender.
All the above items are available at E.A.T., 1062 Madison Ave., N.Y., or call 212-861-2544.
Speaking of the terrible economy; I was in Toys R Us, a few weeks back, and a boy of about 6 was trying to persuade his Grandpa to buy him a toy. Grandpaâ€™s reply to Grandson was meant for me to hear, â€œJason, Grandpa is so broke with this terrible stock market that I canâ€™t afford to buy a sick monkeyâ€™s breakfastâ€.
I am a financial analyst and manage portfolios for a living. There is such fear and cutting back on all expenditures for most people around this country. I find myself shopping at Sam’s club more often and I even bought 7 beautiful used silk ties at a thrift shop this week. The ties cost $7.40 with tax. I also found a used futon for $60 to put into my office, this will come in handy on the days when the market is down huge amounts and you may have found me under my desk, in a fetal position.
I have learned one thing in my 26 years in this business, always avoid the crowds at extremes. Remember, 1999-2000, when Fed Chairman Greenspan talked about irrational exuberance? We had an internet stock bubble and stocks were 40% overvalued! Everyone was feeling great because their account values were rising each month; the economy could not have looked better. It was a fight to convince investors to sell their internet stock with no earnings to buy safe U.S treasury paying over 6.5%.
Today is the exact opposite, stocks are more than 40% undervalued and now everyone is shunning great companies like Pepsi that pays a 3.25% dividends only to buy U.S treasury bonds paying a paltry 2.6%. In my humble opinion, just based upon this undervalued stock market; President Obama will look like a rock star in a few years if stocks just go back to their long run trend.
Thanks for your comments, Michael….let’s hope Obama rocks!
I’m glad I’m a stranger to the yodel.
Does Michael have a sister named Diann? That’s my comment. You’re lucky I’m still able to see straight after that financial meltdown! Yikes!
Love those gift suggestions?
PS just discovered you can get the Yodeling Pickle on Amazon for a mere $16.99! Worth every penny!
I will need to find one of thse yodeling pickles. Sounds fabulous!