Why I Am Not Running For President
Why I’m not running for president:
1. I could never have Presidential hair with that D.C. humidity.
2. I’d have to wear jewelry like Hillary’s and a pants suit whose jacket would NOT provide adequate butt cover.
3. On those Air Force One flights, I could not knock back a chardonnay ad watch Xmen: First Class.
4. I’m pretty sure security would insist I wear a disguise when accepting a pizza delivery.
5. My closet is so full of skeletons, it’s like a Halloween party in there.
6. I’m a Democrat.
7. My house would have to be white.
8. Whenever I had a VPL, millions of people would chat about it on the Huffington Post Style page.
9. I’m guessing martinis would be frowned upon.
10. What, in these shoes?