On October 31st, some of you may be so freaked out by campaign cutups, you may feel ready to take out some of your anti-______ (fill in candidate’s name of choice) hostility by handing out raisins to innocent trick-or-treaters or TP-ing someone’s house or placing a burning sack of recently issued dog poop on a cheerfully decorated front stoop.
Instead, curb your rage and get aggressive on a pumpkin.
This video shows you how to create a lovely jack-o-lantern by piercing it multiple times with an electric drill, in a sort of Anthony Perkins meets Martha Stewart sort of way. Or click here to learn how make a delicious side dish by slicing the unsuspecting pumpkin viciously into slabs and roasting it in the oven.
Either of these activities will help you get a grip on your pre-election insanity. It’s not just you (and me) by the way, it’s sweeping the nation. Otherwise, why would Jack Welch tweet that stupid thing about the BLS? Why would Todd Akin say that other stupid thing he said on top of the first stupid thing? Why would Obama show up at the first debate disguised as a somnambulist? Why would I be writing this perverse post?
I personally am going to engage in the anxiety-diverting pumpkin-related activities mentioned above and then I am going to mix up a Wicked Witch Martini and curl up with a copy of “The Price of Politics.” No, make that “50 Shades of Grey.”
Trick or treat!