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My Face Time With Queen Elizabeth

I had just discovered Queen Elizabeth’s Facebook page when my husband told me that we’d be meeting her at the London premiere of “Narnia.” I felt a little thrill. I rarely care about meeting celebs, but she is right up there with Elvis Costello.

Cut to November 30th: We were in the royal receiving line at a theatre in Leicester Square. We were told ladies must curtsy when meeting the Queen (which, just so you know, is challenging in 3-inch-heeled ankle boots), while men bow from the neck. (Waist bowing is SO fifth century.)  Also, we were forbidden to speak to Her Maj. unless she spoke to us first. (Sometimes I wish I had that rule.) And we were not to say anything personal. Even a remark as benign as, “You are looking very well, your Majesty,” which Emma Thompson once made the mistake of saying, gets you sent to the tower.

All this instruction gave me a hit of protocol panic, until we were told that, due to time constraints, I and other irrelevant types would be standing behind our more significant escorts, thereby getting royally dissed. No curtsy for me, no handshake, no asking her to friend me on Facebook. I tried to curb my irritation, figuring that, in the realm of spousal mistreatment, I was getting off easy by UK standards. (Think Ann Boleyn.) But I hope Liz couldn’t read my mind when she floated by. I will admit that, just as our eyes met, I was thinking her outfit was from the Scarlett O’hara school of making dresses from drapes.

I wonder if she had equally evil thoughts about my ankle boots, or about having to wear 3-D glasses for one hour and forty-three mites. Did she hate wading through all those discarded popcorn boxes to exit at the movie’s end? Or was she thrilled to get out of the castle for a big fat change, happy chillin’ in a big, dark room, seated near Liam Neeson? Her pleasant face revealed nothing, and neither did her Facebook page, which I just checked for updates. Do you think they’d behead me if I “poked” her?

Comments

11 Responses
  1. Scot Colford says:

    poke-poke… “WE are not AMUSED.”

    Awesome. I can’t believe you watched a 3D movie with Her Majesty! Finally, that little handbag comes in handy for storing the glasses. Always wondered what she had in there.

  2. Anna says:

    I bet she was just jealous of those ankle boots of yours….

  3. Paul Weston says:

    Geez…..if I was waiting in line to meet you Jessica, I’d bow, curtsy, juggle balls, stand on my head and wear a mini-skirt…if that’s what it’d take :)

  4. Matt Gettys says:

    Jessica,
    That’s so sad you were dissed. You should have been in front of the line. Perhaps, when the 40th Anniversary Special Edition of Phantom of the Paradise is released you and the Queen can sit in the balcony together. She’d be a hoot trying to sing “Special to Me” with you!
    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your loved ones.

  5. john Vining says:

    Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl but she doesn’t have a lot to say….
    glad you had a chance to at least wave….
    I met her son in 1977 while he was on a trip to Cleveland….it was at a cleveland orchestra concert and there was a battle of wills between Himself and conductor Lorin Maazel as to who would enter last. The Prince insisted that he enter the box after Maazel was on the podium Maazel got back at him by having the Orchestra play the Star Spangeled Banner…Hey Charlie you’re in America……When I get a chance to come west to visit Lizzie, hope to see you…no bows or curtseys though.

    all the best,

    John

  6. suzanne says:

    “No poking” by royal decree—I kid you not.

  7. Mike Swan says:

    Ms. Majesty Harper,

    You will always be royalty and inspiration to your loyal fans. I agree, your three inched heeled ankle boots must have been a thorn in the butt for the Queen to see you wearing. But hey, at least you can wear, act, speak and feel anyway or anytime of the day as you feel right? I would curtsy to you in a remake of Phantom Of The Paradise having Phoenix headline the movie, without the Queen being present for the premier. Hey, lend the boots to Phoenix if the Queen changes her mind and does show up for the premier.

    All The Best Curtsies For You Always,

    SINcerely.

    Mike Swan

  8. Warren says:

    I want a T-Shirt with Her Maj in 3-D glasses! You should have taken a picture of that Jessica.

    I once had the honor of being in a presentation line at a military function that the Queen made a un announced visit to. I managed to get a crooked smile as I giggled while her self glided down the line of my fellows. Yes, I giggled like a complete gitt in front of the Queen….. Thats the way I roll lol!

  9. Lloyd says:

    Jessica, I agree it must have been the ankle boots. As sweet as your smile is
    I would think that she definitely was jealous of you, and you may be right it could have been the 3D glasses.The movie was great I saw it also in 3D.

  10. Nona Mills says:

    I want a T-Shirt with Her Maj in 3-D glasses! You should have taken a picture of that Jessica. I once had the honor of being in a presentation line at a military function that the Queen made a un announced visit to. I managed to get a crooked smile as I giggled while her self glided down the line of my fellows. Yes, I giggled like a complete gitt in front of the Queen….. Thats the way I roll lol!

    • Haha, she inspires giggles…even apart from the (not-so-good) dress, she just DOES make you at least grin for unknown reasons. Maybe because you look at her and know she’s got a facebook page…

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