Fear And Donuts
First it was discovered that the most nutritious milk you can drink is not produced by cows or almonds, but by…wait for it….cockroaches.
Just read about it here. It’s too gross to write about further. I don’t want to speculate on how many roaches you have to milk to moisten your Cheerios, nor do I want to refresh the memory of a certain apartment I lived in on 11th Street in the seventies.
Next I heard that a man was arrested for suspicion of meth consumption, due to the presence of some white, powdery residue on his upper lip. After twelve years of solitary confinement (well, I may be exaggerating—I sort of spaced out on the details of the case) it was established that the white substance was actually the sugar from a Krispy Kreme donut.
This brings to mind the time I heard that a KK branch had opened in Van Nuys CA. I drove there that day, bought four donuts and ate them all without leaving the parking lot. Although I was not arrested, I was sentenced to an uptick in my pants size, sufficient punishment to discourage recidivism. (I haven’t been back there since.)
The third stunning food news story was that apparently people are ordering more home-delivered pizza than ever before. This is not because going to a restaurant would preclude them from watching as much ESPN as they can before they die (which seems to be my husband’s goal), but because they think the world is going to hell in a hand basket and they are afraid to venture outside and face it.
I’m told this theory got a big bump after the RNC.
But as somebody very smart once said (and it was repeated at the DNC), we have nothing to fear but fear itself (and maybe dyspepsia from eating all that pizza) and I’d like to believe that’s true, so I can go out to dinner for a big fat change instead of sitting at home with my ESPN addict.
Okay, I’m pretty sure food writing is not supposed to make you nauseous, but it is doing just that, so I’ll talk to you next week about something else entirely.