My Blah Blah Blog

PaintCans

White Plight Redux

Per a New Year’s resolution, I wanted to paint a couple rooms white. How hard could that be? You buy paint, you slap it on. Done. At the paint store, I gravitated towards a salesman who resembled the coach of the Boston Celtics. “Um, I’m looking for white paint,” I said, helpfully. …

Mom on her birthday

New Blog Feature: SOUND BITES!

Okay, it’s 2018, enough blah blah blah, it’s time to listen. Henceforward this blog will feature SOUND BITES, tiny stories told by me and/or by a darling family member. They are recorded to spare you the tedium of reading them. (You can listen while filing your nails.)

MySkinInTheGame

My Skin In The Game

On Thursday I went to the Jules Stein Eye Institute in Los Angeles, as I do every six weeks to get an injection of Eyelea in my left eye.  Eyelea is a drug has been very effective in controlling the leaking fluid that has, over the past 15 years, damaged the retina …

BLOGSeaLionShoes

Kissed By A Sea Lion

My twin brother, Billy (aka William), and I were walking in Central Park on a gorgeous, freaky warm winter afternoon when two women closed in on us from behind. One of them said, “Excuse me, where did you get your shoes? They’re beautiful.” She was not addressing my brother. The women reminded …

Drugs

Drugs: New Fun Facts

I had a very productive conversation with a hairdresser the other day. First, he informed me that once you take LSD, it stays in your body—specifically in your spine—forever. So if you should, say, ride a bucking bronco or do some wacky, pretzel-like yoga pose, it could trigger a flashback. I have …

KrispyKreme

Fear And Donuts

Thanks to NPR I have learned that it has been a big week in food. First it was discovered that the most nutritious milk you can drink is not produced by cows or almonds, but by…wait for it….cockroaches. Just read about it here. It’s too gross to write about further. I don’t …

JessRapNameBlog

Call Me Pusha Hood

Tomorrow morning when my husband Tom stumbles into the kitchen for his Cheerios I will say, “Good morning, Killa Tickle.” Later, when I am examined by my eye doctor, Steve Schwartz, I will say, “So tell me, Outlaw Stevie Ritz, how’s my retina?” See, I just read this interview with Gloria Steinem …

Valentine16

Phan Mail

The other day I felt like I was inhabiting the children’s book about Alexander’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It started when I got an injection to stop a leak in my retina. This is routine maintenance for me, and usually I handle it gracefully, in total denial about the …

SnowElizabeth

Crabby Snow Day

All up and down the eastern seaboard this weekend, people got Crabby. Housebound due to Snowzzilla, thousands (well, three that I know of) took advantage of the record snow dump, staying home and getting cozy with recipes from The Crabby Cook Cookbook. My daughter, Elizabeth, ventured forth with her boyfriend Lee into …

Powerball

Powerball Fail

I wasn’t going to do it. Safely in the hands of Uber, I was on my way to my book group meeting at Debb’s, having gotten to 7 p.m. without buying a Powerball ticket before last night’s drawing. Yes, EVERYONE I KNEW had bought at least one ticket—in one case, twenty-five. But, …